Around Town
Oh no! There's a pack of teenagers coming your way!
Amy Rosen

"Ups and downs are always inevitable due to varied personalities and opinions. The key is how you choose to work things out."

Recently, my husband and I had the pleasure of escorting about 27 teenagers to Washington, D.C. When told we were chaperoning a bunch of high school band students on an overnight trip, some folks said we were nuts. Others chuckled and said, "Good luck." Actually, we were grateful for the opportunity to get to experience firsthand the behind-the-scenes antics of the elusive species known as teenagers.

With our promise not to embarrass him, we got our son's blessings to go and set off early in the morning on our way to the nation's capital. We watched movies on the luxury motor coach, complete with bathroom (quite convenient, but challenging to use, especially when the driver hit the brakes). We found the kids to be funny, well-behaved and great overall. We enjoyed movies on the bus and passed around snacks. Being on a tight schedule, we spent an hour in the Air and Space Museum and enjoyed a bus tour of the sights. The kids then performed in a music festival and spent the next day at an amusement park.

All in all, everything went smoothly and the experience proved fun and educational for all, on many different levels.

I think teenagers, as a group, automatically get a bad rap from some adults. Yes, I've noticed there are times when they think they know it all; and we all know that the world revolves around them. Yes, I've noticed they make mistakes in judgment, yet still very often think they are invincible, but I've also noticed that many adults tend to expect the worst from them, think they are always out to do no good and blame teenagers for anything that gets destroyed.

Sometimes it's justified because boredom often leads to mischief, and sometimes it's just paranoia. They may not all be angels all of the time (hey, who is?), but when the opportunity arises, getting to know each person for the individual he or she is can dispel some myths (that rule should apply to all people).

Needless to say, the chaperones took shifts all night, monitoring the hallways outside the kids' rooms to ensure that temptation didn't turn our angels into devils.

I couldn't get to personally know each kid, but I got to observe. The dynamics of people in a group situation takes on many different levels. Our group ranged from 14-year-old freshmen to 18-year-old seniors, and adults. Minigroups divided into band, choir and orchestra members, school staff, bus drivers and tour guide, and parents. To me, it was a group of people from New Jersey trying to have a good time.

People very often behave differently when in a group. Some are more outgoing, and others are quiet and insecure. Teen-agers are in that awkward stage between childhood and adulthood. They're just trying to get by. Some give in to harmless silly behavior. Some give in to peer pressure and later regret their actions when faced with the consequences. Those group dynamics never change at any level, but as adults we, hopefully, have developed coping mechanisms and the strength to resist peer pressure. Some never do.

Unfortunately, in groups - and especially in high school - people often make others feel alienated for one reason or another. Sometimes it is unintentional, and other times it is done out of cruelty. Sometimes a "best friend" chooses to spend time with a new friend, leaving the other party in the dust and feelings crushed. Most of us have been there and know feelings of rejection are not pleasant, but the way we cope can help form our lifelong personalities. Sometimes having someone there to lend a sympathetic ear and a little nudge in the right direction is all it takes to help.

I believe that finding a few good friends you can count on is far better than an array of superficial friends. I also think being part of an organized group at any age, whether it's a band, sports team, club, or a family, can provide comfort, support and an outlet to avoid boredom. Ups and downs are always inevitable due to varied personalities and opinions. The key is how you choose to work things out. Sometimes it's impossible, and you have to move on. We live and learn.

Unfortunately, when lost souls can't find support and solace from the adults in their lives, joining a gang where violence prevails can lead to lifelong problems - an area of growing concern in many neighborhoods. Adults who take an active role in kids' lives through listening and letting them know they are there for them, without smothering them, can make a major difference in a person's life at any age. Teachers, friends and parents who take the time to listen and say "I understand how you feel" can do a service for an individual, and ultimately for society.

I've never been much of a "joiner," but being a part of the music parents association at our children's high school has been an experience that I will always treasure. The dynamics of this group are similar to the kids in that different personalities come together through the common thread of music - and, of course, our kids. We all worked hard together to raise money for the band and somewhere along the way we've become a little family, welcoming the newcomers and saying goodbye to those whose kids are moving on.

This year our son graduates, and we're the ones moving on after seven years of being involved through our sons. We'll probably be back in a few years with our youngest son, but for now it's farewell. We will always look back fondly on these days with the utmost respect for the other parents, the talented band director - who has a special way with those teenagers because he remembers what it was like to be one - and especially for the kids. May the future bring many high notes and lots of harmony for all.

Amy Rosen is a Greater Media News-papers staff writer.