Community stands by its man in time of need Oct. 20 dinner-dance to benefit Old Bridge's Bob Pate and family BY JESSICA SMITH Staff Writer Many friends and neighbors are rallying support for Old Bridge couple Bob and Stephanie Pate and their family, who will be the beneficiaries of an Oct. 20 event at the Friendly Sons of the Shillelagh, Oak Street. OLD BRIDGE - In the face of tragedy, Bob and Stephanie Pate are still counting their blessings. From the time Bob began to experience liver problems, family and friends have rallied around the Pates to try to give back to a man who has given generously to the community. "Ever since this started, it's just been one fantastic outpouring of love," Bob said. "It's indescribable. It's truly humbling." According to Stephanie, Bob has always made it his business to help others. "He would give you the shirt off his back, and then his shoes, too," Stephanie said. "He has always been a very generous giver over the years. He has always done charitable things, and for a giver to sit back and take is a difficult thing." When doctors discovered that Bob would require a liver transplant, those close to him began getting tests to determine if they were compatible donors. His sister, Maryann, was willing and able to donate 60 percent of her liver. (Clockwise from top left) Michael Gargano, Vinnie Pate, Mike Liebowitz, Bob Pate, Augie Garbellotto, Stephanie Pate, Allie Liebowitz and Diane Gargano. Not pictured is event organizer Lisa Garbellotto. "He didn't want to accept this beautiful gift that only someone who really loves you could do," Stephanie said. Stephanie stressed the importance of people being willing to donate organs in the event of their death, so that those in need of a transplant can have the gift of life. Bob worried about his sister's health as the donor, and was reluctant to accept. A week after being placed on the list, doctors discovered he was not a candidate for the transplant, because his condition was too severe. On Sept. 5, the family suffered another blow, when Bob was diagnosed with cancer. "We just went through all of this to be let down the way that we were," Stephanie said. "We've been praying for a miracle, but ... unfortunately, we're running out of time. It's very heart-breaking." Before his illness, Bob worked for 24 years as a sanitation worker in Brooklyn, N.Y. An assistant coach for the Sayrewoods South Little League, he also was involved with the local Pop Warner football team, the Sayrewoods South Rebels. He could also be found at every practice and game in which his son Demetrius, 10, participated. "I can't believe the hundreds and hundreds of people that I've become good friends with," Bob said. "It's just been a fantastic life here in Jersey." When the Pates moved from Queens, N.Y., to Old Bridge 10 years ago, Bob did his best to extend his hand in friendship to as many people as possible. Bob made fast friends in the area through athletic events, involvement with the Good Shepherd Lutheran Church, and Boy Scout camping trips, he said. "The fathers who can't make it, they're missing an awful lot," Bob said of the trips. "Those are things you can't get back in your life." Though Bob is suffering, he worries about his family the most, he said. In line with his penchant for looking at the brighter side of life, he said maybe his illness and the support that has come as a result will inspire his children to help others. "My greatest concern is for my children and my wife," Bob said. "I know God loves them even more than he loves me, and he'll take care of them." Concern for their three children is also paramount for Stephanie. "They need their father," Stephanie said. "It's even more devastating because there are young children involved. It's devastating to me that my daughter is going to be walking without her father down the aisle some day." Stephanie has taken leave from her job as a nurse at CentraState Medical Center in Freehold Township to care for her husband. Last month, the hospital reached out to help the family with emergency funding, which paid their mortgage. One major concern comes from the fact that if Bob passes away, the family will no longer have medical insurance through his job, Stephanie said. Though bills and worries keep mounting, like her husband, Stephanie is trying to focus on the positive and be thankful. "I've had 17 wonderful years with a wonderful man, and some people go through their whole lives and never find that happiness," Stephanie said. "He's my best friend. I thank God for every day, and everyone should thank God for everything they have." Before Bob had problems writing because of painful hand cramps, he kept a journal of happy and funny moments that occurred each day. Contributing to these moments are those who come to spend time with the family, playing music, singing and laughing with them. "There's so much misery, and all you hear about is the bad stuff," Bob said of the world today. "But that's not the real world. The real world is in Old Bridge and Sayreville ... and people helping each other out. My life has been fantastic." Also, though Bob suffers from skin tears, cramps and sleeplessness, he refuses to succumb to negativity. The eternal optimist, Bob prefers to see his glass as half full. "There are so many people out there suffering much greater than I am," Bob said. "I really have a compassion and an empathy for people who go through these things by themselves. They're the real heroes." Bob's brother Vinnie packed his bags and came up from Florida as soon as he received the call. For six weeks, he has been helping out wherever he can to make things easier for the family. "I questioned, 'Why did you wait so long to make the call,?' " Vinnie said. "[Bob] said, 'Brother, you're my closer; I was keeping you for the ninth inning.'" Aside from familial support, Bob said there is a constant flow of friendly faces coming through the door of the house, dropping off meals, driving the kids to their various activities, and offering prayers and words of encouragement. Without these friends, Bob and Stephanie said, they could not get through their daily trials. "God seems to take care of everything," Bob said. "Before the problem even arises, there's someone at the door with the answer." Two groups that have provided a great deal of help for the family are their church and those involved in the town's Pop Warner program, they said. Several friends formed the Bob Pate Foundation, which aims to raise money to help with the family's expenses. Started by Diane Gargano, Lisa Garbellotto and Allie Liebowitz, the group has organized a "Harvest Dance" benefit for Oct. 20 at the Friendly Sons of the Shillelagh in Old Bridge. "They're my angels," Bob said of the women. "I just want to thank, from the bottom of my heart, all the people who have been there for me ... I love them all. I can't express my gratitude and my love and admiration for these people." The event will include dining, dancing and an open bar for all who attend. Local businesses have donated various items to raffle throughout the evening, and a disc jockey is helping with the efforts, Gargano said. The Friendly Sons of the Shillelagh are also contributing to make the evening a success. "The community really came together here," Garbellotto said. "[The Pates are] a family who's very well known and well liked in the area." The Bob Pate Foundation is soliciting donations of all types for the family. For those who cannot make the event, any contribution, whether monetary or simply sending along best wishes, is welcome, Garbellotto said. The Friendly Sons of the Shillelagh is located at 15 Oak St. in Old Bridge. The event begins at 8 p.m., and tickets cost $75 per person. For more information, call Lisa Garbellotto at (732) 725-1575, or e-mail lisa5567@aol.com. Those interested in making monetary donations can send checks made payable to the Bob Pate Foundation, c/o Provident Bank, 3889 Route 516, Old Bridge, NJ 08857.