Red State/Blue State
All tuckered out from the holiday 'debates'
DAVE SIMPSON & GREG BEAN

A political discussion between Red State conservative Dave Simpson - a former reporter, editor, publisher and columnist - and Greg Bean, Blue Stater and executive editor of Greater Media Newspapers.

Dear Greg:

The holidays are over and this Red State Republican/conservative is one tired buckaroo. Why am I so tired, Blue State Greg?

Because I've had a house full of feisty Blue State relatives all week and I've walked on eggshells for so long that I'mnot sure I know how to walk normally anymore. I certainly can't do that self-confident strut thatGeorgeW. Bush exhibitswhen he walks to his helicopter, as if he's heading to the OK Corral to shoot bad guys.

There were some close calls. One Blue State brother-in-law tried to lull me into a false sense of security with some bull about "finding common ground,'' but it soon deteriorated into a debate over whether Democrats outnumber Republicans in most newsrooms.

Republicans in newsrooms - that's a good one, huh, Greg? A real knee-slapper.

He maintained that because the media reported Bill Clinton's friskiness with Young Thong-Wearing Monica, that was proof that most reporters are in fact meanspirited, greedy Republicans - you know, like me. I disagreed, contending that when top executives play pull-down-the-pants with the help, even liberal reporters (a redundancy) have no choice but to cover the story.

But my Blue State bro wasn't giving ground just because Iworked in newsrooms for 33 years andwas almost always the lone Republican in the joint. That kind of hurt my Red State feelings, Greg, and I was about to say something measured about "nut-ball, tax-and-spend liberals like you, frittering our hard-earned money away,'' when a little voice in my head told me to stop, because the nut-ball tax-and-spend Republicans fritter away hard-earned money just as fast.

Right now, the political parties are like thatmovie "Dumb and Dumber,'' and if you saddle up with either one, guess what? You're the Dumbest. Normal people who don't throw theirmoney away have nobody representing their interests anymore.

Over breakfast, a Blue State sister-inlaw tried to draw me into a discussion of school vouchers, claiming that we don't spend nearly enough on schools.

"Is that so?'' Imanaged to choke out, figuring a screaming match right before they got into their car to leavewouldn't be a good thing.

A couple of times, my Blue State relatives brought up the president, but I didn't take the bait. To them, hating George W. Bush is a given, a default position with which no person in his right mind could possibly disagree. While I have my own problems with Big Spending George, I don't put himin theAdolph Eichmann/ebola category, like you Blue Staters do.

So, here's a New Year's softball, Greg, my present to you:

What is it about Bush that makes you Blue Staters so irrational? Why do you sputter so at themeremention of his name?

I understand not liking a president, Greg- I wasn't nuts about Frisky Bill. But why does Bush make the veins pop out of your Blue State necks?

As they say at Starbucks, Greg, "Enjoy!''

Frugally Yours, Red State Dave

Dear Dave:

Before we begin today, I think I should point out to our readers that at least one member of your own family has writtenme to say thanks for thrashing you for your Red State ramblings. Because of my words of wisdom, your cousin wrote, "at least we don't have to listen to him (you) tell us how great the 'shrub' (George W. Bush, aka. Shrub) is anymore."

How cool is that, Dave? Have you heard from any of my relatives? Bet you haven't.

But addressing the meat of your question is difficult. There are just so many pigeons in the flock that it's almost impossible to pick a single target.

Let's start with his smirk - that little smarty-pants sneer he uses when he starts talking down to people he doesn't think are as smart as he is,whenwe all knowhe's the one with the IQ of your basic cabbage.

Thenwe'll go on to the fact that lots of us believe he lost the popular vote and then stole the election in Florida.We've thought he was a bogus president from Day One, which made all the nasty stuff he started doing on Day Two all the more difficult to swallow.

I'm talking, naturally, about his quest for the Imperial Presidency, his cabinet appointments, Karl Rove, trying to appoint his under-qualified go-fer to the Supreme Court, his assault on civil liberties, Donald Rumsfeld, the federal debt, the deficit and of course, The Biggie, the war in Iraq.

As of this week, almost 4,000 American servicemen and servicewomen have been killed in that war- a war based on deeply flawed intelligence at best and outright lies at worst. I'm sorry, Dave, but that is an absolute deal-breaker for me, and I'm not alone in that belief.We feel he has betrayed his country and what it stands for, and there's no forgiving that betrayal.

I laughed last week when I read about Brattleboro, a little town in Vermont,where some activists are trying to pass a resolution to have Bush and Cheney arrested for war crimes if they ever show up in that community.

Even the most optimistic Blue Stater knows that is a quixotic approach, but plenty of us agree with the sentiment.

There are lots of us out here in the Blue States, Dave, who think that Shrub should not simply be impeached for getting us into thismess.He and Dick "Bird Shot" Cheney ought to be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. I've even heard some angry citizens utter the word "treason," but I personally don't think their crimes rise to that level. And even if they did, I don't think Americans have the stomach for meting out the traditional punishment for that offense.You know the one I'm talking about, so I won't spell it out here.

Still, we dislike (and even hate) themat such a visceral level that we're counting the days until A.B.G. (Anybody But George) takes over in January 2009.

Until then, we'll just keep hoping those little veins in our necks don't actually explode.

Cheers and Salutations,

Blue State Greg

You can reach Greg Bean at gbean @gmnews. com. Dave Simpson can be reached at d_simpson@bresnan.net.