Red State/Blue State
Who needs Ralph Nader when we've got Hillary?
DAVE SIMPSON & GREG BEAN
A political discussion between Red State conservative Dave Simpson- a former reporter, editor, publisher and columnist - and Greg Bean, Blue Stater and executive editor of Greater Media Newspapers. Let us know what you think.

Dear Greg:

So help me, old pal, I'm trying my hardest not to get that big grin on my face that I know would really irritate you.

That's because I remember how much it hurt me earlier this year when you took such glee when my choice for president- Reluctant Rudy- found out the hard way that you can't win primary elections by not competing in primary elections. (Who'd a thunk it?)

Oh, you enjoyed every delicious second of it, Mr. Big Blue State Newspaper Editor, and don't try to deny it. After Rudy pulled out, you couldn't wait to hoist me on my own darned petard. "How about them apples, Mr. Red State Rudy Fan?,'' you couldn't wait to ask, and I've got the emails to prove it.

I learned a lot about man's inhumanity to man from that experience, Greg, and I'm determined, now that your liberal pals in the Democratic Party have their boxers in a knot, that I will not take any satisfaction, or express any glee, at their misfortune. To quote President George H.W. Bush, "Not gonna do it!'' (And he really meant it, that time.)

A less sensitive person might be tempted to say some chickens have come home to roost for Democrats who have been accusing Republicans of racism and sexism for years, but I certainly don't intend to say such a thing. Besides, Barack's crazy minister already used that chicken line.

It would be too easy, Greg, and it just wouldn't be right, to point out that your pals the Democrats face a darned near impossible situation: a candidate with the delegates who hasn't been able to win the big states, Obama, and a candidate without the delegates who can, Hillary.

Take it away from Obama and you've got justifiable fury in the party, maybe even rioting in the streets. Leave it with Obama and you've got fence-sitting voters wondering why he didn't walk out on Pastor Nutball 20 years ago, and maybe throwing their votes to My New Guy Mc- Cain.

And, since your friends consider it a cosmic imperative to exorcise any traces of the Evil Beelzebub W. Bush once and for all, the stakes couldn't be higher.

I'm too good a friend, Greg, to point out that even Richard Nixon cared enough about his party and the country to not demand a recount back in 1960, when you guys stole the election. (Don't try to deny it, pal. I lived in Cook County at the time. Of course, I was only 9.) I'm way too polite to ask whether Hillary is man enough to do something selfless like that and unite the party around Barack.

A lesser friend might be tempted to point out, Greg, that Ralph Nader doesn't have to play the role of the skunk at the Democratic garden party this year. That part is already being played, with gusto, by the former first lady.

But, of course, I would never say such a thing.

I'm much too good a friend for that, old pal.

Sincerely, Red State Dave

Dear Dave:

Before we go too far today, I want to point you back to the first column we wrote together, in which we both talked about Hillary Clinton.

In that column, I said, "I'mkind of tired of you know-it-all Republicans assuming that just because some of us live in a Blue State and are pretty tired of Darth Vader and Lord What's His Name trying to blow up the universe, we all support Hillary Clinton. Not all of us like the lady that much.

As a matter of fact, I kind of agree with Rudy (God take me now!) when he asks what she's ever done to qualify her to be president.And besides, she's kind of a nag. It would be like having the head librarian from junior high as the president, and how much fun would that be?"

My opinion about her hasn't changed in the interveningmonths, and as amatter of fact, it has becomemore pointed.Agal who has memories of coming under sniper attack when the reality was kids giving her cookies has more problems than even Dr. Phil can solve. That was one "slip of the tongue" too far as far as I'm concerned.

These days,Hillary remindsme of those zombies in George Romero's "Day of the Dead" remake in 1985. In that one, the zombies, who don't know they're dead, just keep coming and coming, crawling over walls and through windows until the good guys muster enough force to finally put them out of their misery.

That's Hillary, a political zombie who just keeps creating destruction everywhere she goes, threatening to pull the whole town down in the process. She doesn't care how much damage she's doing because, well, she's a zombie, an automaton, and she just keeps lurching toward her goal.

Not that I'm particularly happy with Mr. Obama these days either.Alot of people said his big speech on race was wonderful, but it put me off. The guy threw his grandmother, the woman who did nothing but lavish him with love and praise, under the bus in that speech. And I don't care what you say, any candidate who'll throw his old grandma to the wolves in order to score political points is someone who needs watching, in my opinion.

I've said all along that this race is the Democrats' to lose, and in order to win the White House, all they have to do is avoid tripping over their own feet between now and Election Day.

But between Hillary's zombie-like attacks and Obama's failure to disavow Pastor Nutball in the strongest terms while throwing grandma from the train, it looks like they're stumbling big-time. At least that's what some recent polls say.

If John McCain wins this election, it won't be because he's the best candidate. It'll be because the Democrats couldn't get their act together and gave him the win on a silver platter.

That's a nightmare much more frightening than "Day of the Dead," and one much more likely to become reality.

It's keeping me awake nights,

Blue State Greg

You can reach Greg Bean via e-mail at

 

gbean @gmnews.com. Dave Simpson can be

 

reached at d_simpson@bresnan.net.