At least the maid is happy at the McCain household
DAVE SIMPSON & GREG BEAN Red State/Blue State

A political discussion between Red State conservative Dave Simpson - a former reporter, editor, publisher and columnist - and Greg Bean, Blue Stater and executive editor of Greater Media Newspapers.

Dear Greg:

Twenty-five years ago, a newspaper reporter friend said something I've remembered ever since. It stuck with me because I spent most of my career working for people who owned newspapers.

I got in trouble with my first publisher for making the observation that a city councilman was living proof that you don't have to be smart to be rich. The publisher believed that since he was rich, you did too have to be smart to be rich, and since I made $130 a week, well, that showed how smart I was. Hard to argue with that kind of logic, Greg. Newspaper owners are an impressive lot, as you know, and it's a privilege just being around them.

So anyway, that reporter I mentioned was talking about the people who owned our newspaper, and what she said was this:

"They didn't get rich overpaying the butler.''

You probably recognize that quote, Greg, because the person who said it was your long-suffering wife, my old friend Mrs. Big Important Blue State Newspaper Editor.

What brings this up, Greg, is something I read in theWall Street Journal the other day. Turns out John McCain has filed his income tax statement for 2007, and while Hillary and her husband Butch made $20 million, and that hardscrabble man of the people Barack made $4.2 million, McCain scrimped by on a puny $852,000.

Can you believe it?

Of course his beer heiress wife made "severalmillion,'' according to the Journal, but they apparently have separate checkbooks. McCain reportedly got by on that $852K, probably because he's too proud to ask the wife for a million here or a million there. For all we know, he might be eating commodity cheese.

But, here's the interesting thing. According to the Journal, McCain paid the household help $270,000. I don't know about you, but that's way more than we pay our household help. Why, I'd go without a pool boy or a pastry chef before I'd pay inflated wages like that. I'd drive myself down to the club before I'd pay our chauffeur that kind of money.

Do you pay your gardener or your valet that much money? I certainly hope not.

What I'm getting at here, Greg, is that I think we've finally found someone who is enjoying success in his life - even though he's only making the high six figures - and he got there OVERPAYING THE BUTLER!

Stop the presses! I want you to go home tonight and tellmy old friendMrs. Big Important Blue State Newspaper Editor that JohnMcCain is cut out of a different bolt of fabric, and that he's the kind of CHANGE this country needs, and you and I expect her to vote for him come November.

Here's a generous guy who has apparently been overpaying the butler for years now, and we need to support him with our votes.

You go right home tonight and tell her that, Greg. I dare you.

(Remember the time she threw a catalog at you?)

Your friend, Red State Dave

Dear Dave:

It's comforting to know that if JohnMc- Cain loses the presidential election, he'll have a job waiting at "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous."

I don't know how it was in your two-income household when you were raising kids, but inmine- while lots ofmy friends were dreaming about bass boats- my wife and I had a dream that (to us) represented the height of luxury.

That dream wasn't a trip to Paris or a new Lexus. It wasn't even a backyard pool. Nope, for us the dreamwas to pay someone to clean our house once a month.

You know how it is when you both work all week. Saturdays get taken up cleaning the house, running errands, doing home repairs and food shopping. If you're lucky, you have an hour on Sunday evening after the kids' soccer games to relax while you watch "60 Minutes." Then, it's back to work Monday morning.

As much as we thought that getting a little help with the housework would be a life-altering improvement, however, we never could bring ourselves to spend the money. There always seemed to be a more important use for that hundred bucks, or whatever is costs to clean a house, than paying someone to vacuum our carpets. Braces? Or paying someone to scrub the tub? You can guess which one we picked, and to this day we still do our own house cleaning (before you say anything snarky, we share the work), although the place stays cleaner now that the kids havemoved out. Same thing with the yard. I know a guy who spends all day drooling over the latest quad-runner down at the motorcycle shop, but I spendmy days drooling over the yard service ads in our classified advertising section. Someday, my wife (who never got rich overpaying the butler) will let me pay someone to mow our grass and trim the hedge, but I'd prettymuch have to be on life support before she'd go for it. Nope, she figures we can cut our own grass, and the biggest concession shemade was lettingme buy a self-propelled mower 10 years ago.

Not to say that we're cheap, just frugal. And merely dreaming up ways to spend $270,000 on household help, if we had it, would be more entertaining to us than a whole weekend of playing Farkle, or even (my favorite) Trivial Pursuit.

I did take you up on your challenge, however, and you know what she said when I told her JohnMcCain got rich overpaying the butler? She said it proved what she's been saying all along, that your buddy does not have anymore sense than a turkey in a rainstorm, and if he'll pay someone that much to scrub his toilet, he's got no business trying to run our country andmanage our federal budget. She said if he wasted her tax money like that, she'd throw a whole lot more than a catalog at him (she threw one atme during an argument about Fiesta ware). She'd throw an entire plate. And she'd make him clean up the mess himself, without bothering the maid.

As you well know, the woman is not to be trifled with.

Your long-suffering friend,

Blue State Greg

You can reach Greg Bean via e-mail at gbean @gmnews.com. Dave Simpson can be reached at d_simpson@bresnan.net.